Compartmentalization

Well, according to Wikipedia, which is the source for all that is good and right, compartmentalization is defined as this:

Compartmentalizing is the act of splitting an idea or concept up into (sometimes more or less arbitrary) parts, and trying to enforce thought processes which are inhibiting attempts to allow these parts to mix together again. This process is performed in an attempt to simplify things, and to defend against anxiety...compartmentalizing experiences prevents conflict stemming from the incompatibility of the two polarized aspects of self or other'. Often, 'when the individual is confronted with the contradictions in behavior, thought, or affect, he/she regards the differences with bland denial or indifference'.

^{And now that I haven't ascended into heaven or been raptured or died from some foreign disease that's incompatible with life in the United States, I decided the time has come to finish up this blog and give it some closure.}

^{So why have I named my closing post compartmentalization? Because I kind of feel like I never left. Coming back has been weird in the sense that it hasn't been weird at all.} 

^{I guess my culture shock, if there was any, took the form of materialism and in the first three days I was back, I managed to spend the equivalent of a month's allowance in Madagascar, found myself in a nail salon for 3 hours for like the second time in my life, and have been really confused about why people want to see me because I don't really feel like any time has passed.} 

^{So as I type this with strange acrylic pink nails, that are not my own and should not be on any part of my body, I can't really think of anything concrete to say about concluding Madagascar. When I think about the experience, it kind of comes back like the memory of a dream, a little fuzzy and more like an emotion or feeling than a tangible thing that happened. This is why I've started off with the spiel about compartmentalization... I don't know how to reconcile there and here because living there feels like a completely different life, with different people and different challenges.} 

^{Sometimes little things will happen that will flash me back there, like this morning when I had to clean out a vase at work and a centipede ran out of it into the sink. I was struck with a vivid flashback to the night that a malicious centipede bit me on the arm and it was the most painful bite I've ever received, making my arm feel like it was on fire for about 10 hours. And now, I'm back here with this new and intense fear of centipedes that is hard for me to understand unless I allow the two worlds to merge... which I haven't.}

^{I wonder if in the future things will mesh together better, or if Madagascar will become one of those things I did that I don't remember until someone reminds me. I know that might sound silly, but if out of the blue you ask me if I've been to Greece, my first reaction is always no ...even though I was there for 5 weeks. I never brought it back to my life here and now it just sits in a weird place in my head that I don't think about. How do you make something real and integrated into your life, when it has nothing to do with the reality that you know?} 

^{So that's where I'm at... 99 entries later and I feel like I never left and this blog and some pictures on my computer are the only remnants of my trip. Maybe that's a bit dramatic. I know there's 16 other people who are now scattered around the country who could prove to me that I went to Madagascar and what we did was real... but they're not here and I'm back to life as I knew it. This bothers me and I feel kind of hollow about it. But for the time being when I get that inevitable question that I hate oh so very much, I'm sticking with my vague and nothingness response of "It was awesome, I'm really glad I went." So, for the love of God, please, do not ask me this question. Go with something specific. Literally, ANYTHING, that is not "How was Madagascar?" Ok that's all. How could I close out my blog without a mini rant?}

^{For now, I'm just staying on the surface, going through the motions, and taking my time to figure things out.}

^{That's all I've got for now. Somewhere down the line, maybe a month, a couple months, a year, I'll conclude this with the 100th and hopefully have something a little more... Tangible? Coherent? Optimistic?  Who knows. Until then... thanks for reading :)}